You’re headed to NYC for the weekend and have no idea what to do. The amount of texts that I get from friends of friends, always starting in “hey, this is so random, but —” asking me what to do and see while they’re on Manhattan is shocking. I have planned the perfect weekend trip to New York City, and all I can say is — you’re welcome.
Saturday
What better way to start the day than with boozy brunch. And, by the Grace of God, New York just happens to be one of the states to allow for BOTTOMLESS. That’s right — usually coming in at around $25 for 90 minutes, you are faced with the challenge of guzzling down as many mimosas as possible to get that bang for your buck. My personal favorite is Mezetto’s. The food is incredible and the atmosphere even better. Order the shakshuka for the perfect IG Story and make sure to flirt it up with the bartender for a free shot for dessert. For inspiration, please watch Benny Drama’s “Girls Who Brunch.” This will basically sum up your experience.
Now that you’re stuffed and hammered, get yourself on a city bike. There is nothing more hilarious than biking through Central Park while foaming at the mouth. It sounds dangerous, but — alright, I’m not even going to try to say it’s not. But life is short, right? While you’re in West BumFuck (I’m in the East Village, so anything past 14th is Upstate), make sure to hit up the massive Dylan’s Candy Bar. Plop your fine ass down in the park to admire the beautiful and equally disgusting city that is New York.
SAMPLE SALES. Look them up on Google and don’t be afraid to unleash the claws.
For dinner (yes, focusing on food here because what else matters), head to some Insta-friendly, to-die-for restaurant that you can find in no other city. Remember that scene in The Office when Michael Scott says that Sbarro is his favorite spot to get a New York slice? Yeah, this will not be you. Head to Thai Villa, Carbone, The NoMad, or Momofuku.
Post dinner, check out Decibel for your pregame. Here, you’ll get the ultimate East Village experience. There will be dudes in beanies and Yeezy’s talking about social constructs, there will be crack-heads, and there will be influencers that found the place by Googling “speakeasy nyc.” Get the wasabi dumplings and saketini and your boring life will never be the same.
Sunday
Happy sunday-scaries, everyone! Even in the city that never sleeps, we’re unfortunately not boozing on the Lord’s day. For a delicious brunch, head to Jack’s Wife Frida. The line will be a bitch but so are you, so no worries. While you’re waiting, head over to Joe’s Juice for the ultimate people-watching situation. You will see so many hipsters there your eyes may start to bleed, but atleast then you’ve achieved the whole Euphoria makeup look.
Post-brunch, you’ll be wanting to work off some of that challah bread. To do so, please head your gorgeous self over to the High Line. This will be a picturesque walk through the city that will get you sweating, so cue the FaceTune for any thirst-traps. Make sure to pop your head into Chelsea Market, where the real champs will be able to squeeze in a yummy snack, and the losers will simply get their shopping fix.
For those of you that aren’t yet exhausted from this insane place, check out the Whitney museum. After a gross bender of a weekend, reincorporate some wholesomeness into your life. The art will excite you, intrigue you, and confuse the f*** out of your basic ass. You’ll love it.
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